Movie B Bad #8: Runaway (1984)

I saw the film at a Bristol Bad Film Club screening as a killer robot double bill with the fantastic Chopping Mall (1986). Check out their website and facebook.

Runaway is a 1984 sci-fi thriller. Directed by Michael Crichton (Westworld) and starring Tom Selleck (3 Men and a Baby), Gene Simmons (Never Too Young to Die, Wanted: Dead or Alive) and Cynthia Rhodes (Flashdance). This marks the feature film debut of Simmons who landed the role after meeting Michael Crichton.

The film follows Selleck's washed up cop Jack Ramsay, a police officer now confined to the robot malfunctions squad after bottling it in his previous division due to suffering from Vertigo (hmm sounds familiar). Titled the "runaway squad" the team are tasked with neutralising the rogue robots that society has now come to depend upon. Joined by new recruit Thompson (Rhodes) they uncover a plot by evil tycoon Dr Luther (Simmons), doctor of what I'm not sure, who has been installing the robots with black market chips turning them into deadly killing machines. The duo have to navigate various robotic creations in order to take down Luther and stop the robots from taking over the world!

Runaway is like a really unsophisticated version of Blade Runner (1982), but instead of fighting robots disguised as humans, our protagonists have to face what I can only describe as an army of VHS players, midi hi-fis and mechano spiders that poke you in the chin with a needle. It's also one of the least futuristic films I've seen, making for an extremely dated and hilarious vision of the future. Tom Selleck is a deeply adequate lead, although his moustache turns in a far more convincing performance, but most of the comedy gold comes from Simmons who chews the scenery and says far more with a creepy stare than he ever could with words.

Perhaps the fact that Crichton wrote this directly for the screen, rather than adapting from a novel, explains why the plot is pretty thin and it doesn't really say anything that hasn't already been said a hundred times ie. don't rely on technology too much. The heat seeking mini missiles were a nice touch and the pov sequence where Ramsay is being chased down by one of them was particularly naff, somehow moving very quickly and very slowly at the same time. This also leads to a fantastic sequence where Ramsay insists on removing a highly explosive bullet from Thompson's arm as a robot would only make a hash of it.

An incredibly 80s vision of the future and stark warning against reliance on technology that would be kind of overshadowed by another 1984 film known as The Terminator. The film is delightfully daft and the fact that Selleck never really took off as a big action star is perhaps down to this movie. However, for Simmons, this would be the launching pad to play several more gurning villains as the 80s wore on. Keep your eyes peeled for an early appearance from bombshell Kirsty Allie too.

*** 3 Stars

Have you seen Runaway? What's your favourite killer robot film?

Movie B Bad #7: Night of the Demon (1980)

Night of the Demon is a 1980 Bigfoot horror film. Directed by James C Wasson and starring Michael Cutt (Volcano) and Paul Kelleher (Spirits of the Fall). The film appeared on the original video nasties list due to "gory mayhem".

The movie is told as a flashback from the perspective of Professor Nugent, an anthropology professor who takes his students on a field trip to look for bigfoot. After recounting several grisly incidents in the classroom (again in flashback format) they take to the hills where they locate local landowner Lou Carlson and get him to spill the beans on his own Sasquatch encounters. This eventually leads them to discover a cannibalistic, pagan cult lurking in the woods and, in turn, links them to "crazy Wanda", a local woman who has had some serious bigfoot encounters. She regails them with her tale of being raped by bigfoot and producing a lovechild before the beast storms the cabin and lays waste to our overly curious heroes.

Night of the Demon is utterly incomprehensible. Most of the film is told through a flashback, and sometimes flashbacks within flashbacks, and it's never clear who is relating the scene or how it fits into the time line. The editing is psychotic, the acting hideous and the soundtrack endlessly irritating. The "mayhem" that landed it on the video nasties list is laughable and the effects are pretty shoddy for the time.

However, the real draw with this movie is the ambition and creativity with which the bigfoot creature maims and kills his victims. The attempts to further the plot are certainly tedious, but when bigfoot gets going, it's like a mix tape of things you thought you'd never see in a movie. This includes bigfoot raping a young girl, a sleeping bag hammer throw, intestine flailing, forcing girl scouts to have a knife fight, ritualistic gimp sex and, most famously, ripping the dick off a biker.

Like many video nasties, night of the demon is an appallingly made film and a real struggle to get through. Those who do will be rewarded with schlocky violence and really quite perverse sex scenes. If you're a bigfoot or video nasty completist then it may be worth a watch, otherwise you may never get these 95 minutes back.

* 1 Star

Have you managed to see the movie? Do you know any other Bigfoot movies?

Movie B Bad #6: Vibrations (1996)

I saw the film at a Bristol Bad Film Club screening. Check them out at their website and on Facebook.

Vibrations is a 1996 musical teen drama. Written and directed by Michael Paseornek, the film stars James Marshall (Twin Peaks) and Christina Applegate (Married with Children, Anchorman). Although this would be Paseorneks only foray into directing, he would go on to become a successful producer responsible for horror films like American Psycho (2000) and The Devil's Rejects (2005).

The film follows T.J (Marshall), a talented young musician on the road to stardom. Unfortunately, his hands (and dreams) become crushed after a run in with some local thugs and a drill-equipped JCB, leaving him to wander the city as a rubber handed drunken hobo. Luckily for TJ he wanders into a local rave and meets Annamika (Applegate), who takes pity on him and helps him to clean up his act. Recognising a musical talent within TJ, Annamika and her friends (including a welding landlady) manage to craft him a new cybernetic pair of hands which help to propel him to superstardom as "techno" DJ Cyberstorm!

First off, this is the most 80s 90s film I've ever seen. From most of the fashion on display to the "cutting edge" electronic music being played, I was really very shocked to learn this film was made in 1996. The dialogue is similarly hilarious and out of touch, particularly when the characters are trying to describe the music and the cosmic grooves etc. More often than not the music sounds like it's one of the preset demos on a Yamaha keyboard and it couldn't be farther from the type of dance music we were all enjoying in 1996 (okay maybe not enjoying).

In all fairness to Marshall he does seem to be doing his best with what he's been given and I suppose you could call some of the early homeless scenes "gritty". Some of the funniest moments of the film come from the physical comedy involving TJs rubber hands. This includes stopping a knife attack with his palm and using his hand to stop a kitchen fire, surely the makers of the film could not have expected this to be taken seriously? There's also a lot of fun to be had when the gang get going on their "rave concert tour" and watching TJ "perform" as Cyberstorm is something I can only liken to C-3PO having some sort of fit.

Vibrations had the right idea, no doubt trying to capitalise on the cyberpunk sub-culture made popular by "Hackers" the previous year, but ends up a film quite obviously written by a middle aged man who has no idea how teenagers would have talked in 1996 or what kind of music they would listen to. However, the film is unintentionally hilarious when enjoyed as the unlikely story of a handless wino who becomes a gyrating, robotic superstar.

**** 4 Stars

Have you seen Vibrations? What did you think?

Movie B Bad #5: Godzilla (1998)

With all the buzz surrounding the upcoming big budget reboot, many long-term fans are casting their minds back to 1998 when the world got the very first American Godzilla remake. The overwhelming consensus is that the film was an abomination, an insult to the legacy of the Japanese films with very little in common. But was the film really that bad....

Godzilla is a 1998 American giant monster movie. Directed by Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Universal Soldier) and starring Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), Jean Reno (Leon) and Hank Azaria (The Simpsons). The film is an American adaptation of the popular Japanese Kaiju franchise.

The film opens with an origin montage explaining that Godzilla was created by French nuclear testing in the pacific that affected a nest of marine Iguanas. Flash forward to the modern day and we’re introduced to Dr Nick Tatopoulos (Broderick), a scientist studying the effects of radiation on Chernobyl earthworms. After an attack on a Japanese fishing boat the US military soon recruit Nick, being shadowed by the mysterious Roche (Reno), to pursue the creature as it heads straight for New York City. Godzilla proceeds to rampage all over the big apple, eventually laying eggs in Madison Square Garden and threatening the city with a horde of baby Godzillas as both science and military join forces to defeat the beast.

The first thing to say about this film is that it is not a Godzilla film…it is very much a Roland Emmerich film. Whether you think that’s a good thing or not there’s no denying that with cheesy dialogue, strong military themes and an abundance of explosions, it’s much more goofy action film than monster movie. Now in fairness to the movie it’s by no means the silliest entry in the franchise’s history. If you look back to the late 60s Showa era there were some truly ludicrous escapades, however, when you drastically change the setting, the creature design and the creature lore you end up losing the spirit of a Godzilla film and coming out of it all with a much more generic monster movie.

If Emmerich had gone back and watched those films from the late 60s he would have realised that one of the worst things you can bring out of the woodwork is baby Godzilla. It was stupid then and its stupid now, the whole Madison square garden sequence is an obvious riff on Jurassic park (1993) that reminds you how much better that film was. The same can be said for the atrocious King Kong (1933) knock off ending that makes the fatal error of trying to make Godzilla a sympathetic character when the greatest films in the franchise know to present the monster as an amoral force of nature.

All in all, the film can be enjoyed as a big dumb Roland Emmerich popcorn movie and the special effects were very impressive for the time. But, the very fact that Toho quickly disowned the creature (choosing to dub him simply “Zilla”) and brought out their own reboot within a year is enough to tell you this is not an authentic Godzilla film, therefore failing to achieve what it presumably set out to. Here’s hoping that Godzilla 2014 learns from these mistakes and stays true to the spirit of the Godzilla character that has captivated audiences for 60 years.

** 2 Stars

What did you think of Godzilla 98? Has the film been treated unfairly over the years?

Movie B Bad #4: Santa's Slay (2005)

Santa's Slay is a 2005 Christmas Horror-comedy. Directed by David Steiman and starring former WCW/WWE world champion Bill Goldberg (Universal Soldier: The Return, The longest Yard), Douglas Smith and Emilie de Ravin (The Hills Have Eyes, Lost). The film was also produced by Brett Ratner (Rush Hour series)

Santa's Slay takes place during Christmas in Hell township when a particularly violent incarnation of jolly St Nick (Goldberg) rocks up on his jacked up reindeer to go on a killing spree. When local teenagers Nicolas (Smith) and Mary (De Ravin) decide to investigate the murderous happenings it is revealed, by Nicolas' grandpa, that Santa is actually the antichrist and Christmas day used to be a day of killing until Santa lost a bet on a game of curling. Ever since then Christmas day has been a day of peace and joy...until now! The has expired and it's up to the bright eyed teenagers, and crackpot Grandpa, to stop the evil Santa and save Christmas.

The main thrust of the humour in Santa's Slay is that it's a Jewish man killing Jewish people in increasingly Jewish ways all through the guise of Christmas....do you see what they did there? In all seriousness it's great fun to see a dehli owner impaled with a Menorah whilst a bagel curtain sways in the background and it isn't really something that's been done in horror-comedy before. For what it's worth Bill Goldberg does a great job as the grunting psychotic Santa whilst throwing in a few Bond-esque wisecracks to boot and it is an interesting idea to draw on the Germanic folklore roots of Santa Claus.

It must be said that the teenage protagonists turn in a suitably wooden, b-movie performance but luckily the film has an impressively high body count so we're not subjected to their performances for too long. The same can also be said for the supporting cast as none of the characters tend to stick in the mind unless dispatched in a particularly creative way. Speaking of which, the movie does employ some highly amusing weaponry for Santa to use such as exploding presents, smoke bomb baubles and what I can only describe as a radioactive candy cane?

Santa's Slay knows exactly what it's here to do...kill lots of people at Christmas time whilst riffing off a Jewish/Christian joke that is surprisingly never overstretched. You'll be hard pressed to find a great deal of Christmas-set, horror-comedies, except of course the Mighty Gremlins (1984), and for a movie as silly as Santa's slay that's not bad company to be in.

3 Stars ***

What did you think of Santa's Slay? Can you think of any other xmas-horror-comedies?

Movie B Bad #3: The Boxer's Omen (1983)

The Boxer's Omen aka Mo is a 1983 Hong Kong kung fu fantasy film. Directed by Chih-Hung Kuei and starring Phillip Ko. The movie was produced by the prolific Shaw brothers studio, who produced most of the Hong Kong movies of that time.


The Boxer's Omen follows the story of Chan Hung whose brother becomes paralysed after a brutal kickboxing match with a vicious Thai boxer. Chan Hung vows to avenge his brother and defeat the man responsible,  however, before starting his boxing training he is visited by the ghost of a Buddhist master which prompts him to fly to Thailand to train as a warrior monk. This is where the film pretty much abandons the boxing plot altogether and focuses on Chan Hung's quest to learn the ways of Buddhist magic and break the curse placed on his master by the evil wizards. This involves competing in bizarre wizard duels as well as finding time to return to Hong Kong to actually compete in afore-mentioned kick boxing match before travelling to Tibet to find the Dalai Lama's ancient ashes and lift the curse once and for all.


This film is a bizarre, nonsensical but hilarious mess. The title is really a misnomer as there is barely any kickboxing in the film and after the opening 10 minutes Chan Hung (and apparently the film makers) completely forgets about his brother and instead vows to avenge the Buddhist master that he's only just met, which is certainly a mismanaging of priorities. The story just gets more bizarre from there and combined with the highly erratic editing it's certainly a difficult plot to follow. Many of the sequences appear to be hallucinations in Chan Hung's mind and the set design rarely makes it clear where the events are transpiring or whether there even indoors or outdoors.


The best thing about the film is easily the battle sequences and the hilariously poor special effects that accompany them. As soon as the first battle starts (between the black wizard and the Buddhist master) you know the film is about to go off on an epic tangent as there is face melting, reincarnation and manipulation of bats and cobras. This first battle sequence is only there to illustrate how diabolical the black wizard is, it's the battle between the wizard and Chan Hung himself (fresh from his head-shaving and magical monk training) that is the truly ludicrous centrepiece of the film. This features flying heads, snapping crocodile skulls and a giant alien head birthed from a ball of pink slime, to name but a few highlights, and is both hilarious and delirious in equal measures.


The Boxer's Omen is a film in which it is absolutely futile to attempt to follow the plot but is what you have to call a truly original piece. There are sequences in this film that could only originate from the most deranged imagination and many elements that I''ve never seen on film and probably never will again. I would loosely recommend the film for fans of kung-fu or fantasy films but in essence it is a psychedelic exploitation film which is as much an acquired taste as regurgitated bananas (watch the movie)


4 Stars ****


Have you seen The Boxer's Omen? Have you seen any black magic films?

Movie B Bad #2: Basket Case (1982)

Basket Case is 1982 exploitation horror film. Directed by Frank Henenlotter (Brain Damage, Frankenhooker) and stars Kevin Van Hentenryck (Basket Case trilogy). The film is considered a cult classic and spawned two sequels in 1990 and 1991.


The film follows the eccentric Duane Bradley as he arrives in New York City from a small upstate town carrying only a large wicker basket. After checking into the sleaziest motel he can find Duane sets about visiting a local doctor in regards to an enormous scar down the right side of his body. It is revealed that the wicker basket carries Duane's former conjoined twin Belial and now he's helping the monstrous lump to take his revenge on the doctors who forcibly separated them. Along the way Duane falls for a local receptionist called Sharon but soon finds that Belial 's vendetta somewhat interferes with his social life resulting in the two brothers confronting each other in the closing moments of the film.


Basket Case is a very poorly made film, from the low budget camerawork to the hilarious acting and script. The film is most famous for it's creature design and Belial is certainly one of the more unique looking monsters in movie history. Described by Duane as a "squashed octopus" Belial is essentially a rough cast of Van Hentenryck's face popped on a latex lump of twisted flesh and bone. This is a brilliantly grotesque look and Henenlotter wisely holds back showing Belial until about half an hour into the movie to add more suspense and shock. We mostly see Belial either as a puppet or as a pair of monster gloves through a first person perspective however the film's most famous scene is created through some very shoddy stop motion animation as Belial trashes his hotel room in a jealous rage, complete with hideous screams.


For the portions of the film where Belial is safely stowed in his basket the entertainment is provided by the atrocious acting and also Van Hentenryck's rather comical hairstyle (very much an extra character in the film). At times bizarre and always wooden, the performances in this film are something to behold. The Hotel itself offers an array of cartoon characters including the goodtime girl, the shifty old man, the Super Mario-esque owner as well as the evil doctors that are confronted. One inexplicable scene in particular involves Duane having a drink with the local barmaid and the pair splitting their sides over the fact that he used to be a mailman and of course, nearly every character in the movie has the honour of uttering the film's catchphrase "What's in the basket?".


 Rightfully revered as a cult classic, Basket Case is a thoroughly entertaining bad movie and created a little known horror icon in Belial the lumpy Siamese twin. The sequels that would follow nearly ten years later would recognise the humour in the original and steer the franchise in more of a slapstick direction (much like the Evil Dead franchise) and are still enjoyable, in a very twisted and absurd way, but the original is still the best.


5 negative stars *****


Have you seen Basket Case, what did you think?

Movie B Bad #1: Story of Ricky (1991)

Story of Ricky AKA Riki-Oh is a 1991 exploitation kung-fu movie based on a 1980s manga comic of the same name. Produced in Hong Kong, the film is directed by Ngai Kai Lam and stars Siu-Wong Fan as the eponymous hero. The film is world famous for both it's excessive use of gore and poorly executed special effects and is considered a cult classic.

 The film is set in the bleak dystopian year of 2001 and (unsurprisingly) follows the story of Ricky, a mysterious young man who finds himself in one of the country's new privatised and brutal prison systems. Not one to quietly pay his debt to society, Ricky soon makes enemies amongst the small-time prison thugs and the one-eyed assistant warden. This rapidly escalates to involve Ricky in a deadly feud with the gang of four; Oscar, Rogan, Brandon and Tarzan. The gang of four are the respective leaders of each of the prison wings (north, south, east and west) and one-by-one Ricky rips through them in ultra-gorey and hilarious fashion. In between fight sequences, we learn of Ricky's background and how his uncle taught him the ancient martial art of Qigong. This explains Ricky's apparant invincibity and also how he avenged his girlfriends death, landing him in possibly the most violent prison ever seen on-screen. Through these mystical powers he's able to dismember the gang of four and confront the head warden. However, the warden has some unusual powers of his own and Ricky has to spill extremely large buckets of blood before he can set his fellow prisoners free.

 The only reason most people have heard of this film is the gore, even if you haven't seen the whole film, chances are you've seen a still, or a clip. The effects are certainly something to behold, whether shockingly violent or just shocking, and are very evenly distributed throughout the film. It's very difficult to become bored with the actual plot of the film as round every corner there's someone just waiting to have their head punched off, and even though the switch to a rubber dummy isn't very subtle, it is certainly enjoyable. Though this type of gore is synonymous with exploitation cinema, it also has a real comic-book feel to it due to the story being adapted from an actual manga. This stops the film from becoming too miserable, and the sheer creativity involved in some of the violence on display is nothing short of inspired.

The film also works very well as a kung-fu film. I don't ususally watch foreign films that are dubbed unless they're already bad movies, in which case it can only add to the hilarity. Most of these Chinese prisoners seem to have acquired a southern American accent, this makes nearly every line of dialogue far funnier than intended and is great fun. The basic plot of the film is also rooted in kung-fu tradition, a mighty warrior must defeat four other warriors in order to confront his nemesis and set his brothers free. It's actually quite a nice touch to update this Chinese folklore and apply it to a futuristic (circa 1991) prison setting.

Story of Ricky is shoddy, gory and super cheesy, and it's brilliant! The Ricky character is easy to get behind as an invincible bad ass, with just enough humanity to gain him a following amongst his fellow inmates. Poor dubbing, poor special effects and poor set design make this a great bad movie. For a similar more recent film I would reccomend Tokyo Gore Police (2008), an even bloodier film with even more surreal moments. Just remeber, if you can't repair your own forearm ligaments with your teeth, then you're clearly not cut out for prison.

4 Negative stars ****

Have you ever heard of the film? What's the goriest film you've seen?